I haven’t posted here in a really long time because….well because I couldn’t figure my life out. This blog was all about me posting my musings and weird thoughts about life, but what happens when I don’t want anyone to know what’s going on in my head?
So I let this blog die for a while. To be honest, I didn’t want to reflect on what was happening in my life (I even stopped journaling for a while) because I was too scared to face it. It was like a tornado of change had come and ripped my life up and when you’re stuck whirling around in the air, there isn’t a lot you can do other than try to survive. Writing is my passion, my creative release, and it often reflected my emotional and mental state at the time.
Writing is my passion, my creative release, and it often reflected my emotional and mental state at the time. I was afraid that talking about anything but the positive wouldn’t exactly be in line with a blog called Happy Kelly Days. I was afraid that writing when I was in an incredibly negative state and phase of my life would create something that wasn’t of value to anyone. I was afraid that people would judge me and reject my writing because no one wants to read depressing authors online.
But this phase of my life has also been one of profound learning. My pain has transformed from a black hole in my heart into a golden opportunity for me to learn more about myself and my life. That sounds so airy fairy and I realize that I might be sounding like an overly-optimistic fart, but I have become genuinely grateful for my pain. Of course I wish I hadn’t had it, but I’ve accepted it and learned to live with it.
I think that I had to go through hell to realize certain truths about my life. I don’t love myself to the standard that I love others, and that is an injustice to myself. I don’t look after my own health. I rely on the opinions of others for affirmation. I don’t practice enough gratitude.
Even though I have done things that I regret, I think that the universe gave me the experiences I needed to grow and develop as a person. I subscribe to an email service called Notes from The Universe, which sends me a message from “The Universe” every weekday to inspire and motivate me. On one of my worst days, this is what I received.
(This service is something I wholeheartedly recommend, subscribe here: http://www.tut.com/)
Now I have realized the incredible amount of love, good luck, prosperity, and joy that I have in my life. I am even more grateful for the people and experiences I have in my life because of the amount of love and support I received from everyone. I’m ready to work on the areas of my life that need improvement. I’m ready to be honest that life isn’t okay all the time.
I’m ready to stop letting life happen to me, and let it happen for me. My mission for the next few months is best summarised in this quote by Oscar Wilde:
We’re all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
Here’s to making massive mistakes!